The Hair Rant by XueLian

D: Mine is silver,
A: Mine is gold,
D: Mine is younger—yours is old.
A: Mine is longer,
D: Mine’s got bounce,
A: Ladies like hair in copious amounts.
D: I’ve got bangs—you grew yours out.
A: That’s what long hair’s all about!
D: I’ve got ‘flip’,
A: Well, I’ve got ‘swish’,
     And more hair than any Esca bish!
D: Mine is shiny!
A: Mine is BLOND!
D: Which means you’re an airhead like Lily Frond.*
A: You’re just jealous.
D: No, I’m proud.
    Hair that long shouldn’t be allowed.
A: Meticulous care, brushed every hour…
D: Who’d want to waste half their life in the shower?
A: Mine wafts in the wind,
D: Mine glows with the flame,
A: I even gave mine a name!
(D: O.o *backs away*)
D: Mine’s silky soft,
A: My hair is my soul!
D: I’d like to see yours cut under a bowl.
A: I’ve not one split end,
D: I’ve got none too…
    But I bet you keep yours concealed with glue!
A: The camera loves me,
D: The viewers do not,
A: At least I don’t act a like a mean little snot!
D: But there is just one thing…
A: that spans the rift…
WE’VE BOTH GOT A THREE-INCH-LIFT! \^0^/


*a hopeless reference to Artemis Fowl